Going Back & Looking Back

Made this in Blender. It's one version of something I made for J. It's the most obnoxious of them all!

So, break is winding down and I'm realizing that I haven't done... anything, really. I didn't get back to my high school, I didn't see anyone aside from J, and I didn't really accomplish any of the things I wanted to accomplish (like getting a cello... shut up, J).

But that's okay. I've done quite a bit of writing and learned a significant amount in Blender/GIMP. Break has been nice. Not having to do stuff is really nice, actually. So I just spent a good portion of my time letting the creativity run rampant. Oh, and video games. Did some good catching up on my excessively large backlog of games. Other than that, I hung out with J three times, and spent a bunch of time with my parents. Not too shabby.

Definitely haven't done as much blogging as I'd like, but I'm finding that pumping out a post a week is a bit of a challenge. I need to post when I feel like it... if that means two days apart, fine... if that means two weeks apart, that's fine, too.

As for going back itself, I'm not really overly excited about having to do stuff again. With that said, I get to see J again (it will have been two whole weeks since I last saw her!), and that's my favorite part of the whole thing. Aside from that, I'm going to fall back in love with the excellent university Internet connection and, I won't lie, I do like having some structure in my life.

I get back to campus on Sunday and classes resume on Wednesday. Between now and then, I need to start figuring out my sleep schedule. Last sleep cycle (I can't even use calendar days anymore), I was awake from 1:15PM to 8AM. That's just not gonna work! Especially since J has so kindly asked me to be her breakfast buddy this semester. That means getting up and being ready to eat breakfast by 8:20am.

This will be interesting...

- E.

Complaints About Home

I've been home a few days now and I've started to notice a few things which are... missing. This is a short list of the stuff I miss about college and/or dislike about home. They're in no particular order and some are, well, just awful, really. But oh well... just laugh; we laugh to keep from crying.

• The kitchen is really far away from my room. At school, I can stand up at my desk and almost all of my food is right in front of my face. Whatever isn't there is in the fridge which is about five feet away. Here, the kitchen is downstairs. There is probably twenty feet of horizontal distance and ten feet of vertical distance between me and the kitchen...
• All of my friends are someplace else. At least J lives fairly close but like... ~80 miles is a little bit of a trek compared to a short five minute walk across campus. And the average distance between me and my friends has got to be well over one hundred miles. As for my high school friends... well, there are like... five of those. But that's not the point! Most of them aren't even back yet anyways.
• I'm far more accessible to my parents when I'm here. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. And they're also 100% of the reason I am able to go to the university. But dealing with everything once or twice a week when we talk on the phone rather than being bombarded with unnecessary questions or comments all the time... well, it's just nice to have that distance.
• Being the center of attention is annoying. It hasn't happened too much yet but generally-speaking, everyone wants to know how the college student is doing. What am I, some sort of alien? Is the world of higher education some crazy planet that's light years away? I realize part of it is an active interest in my life but I feel like the other half is some form of gawking. Like those people who drive really slow past an accident to see what happened even though it's just an accident.
• There's nothing to do. I'm sure if I really looked, I could find some fascinating things to keep myself occupied with. But not really. Because out here in "Boofooland," as J would call it, there's not a damn thing going on. That leaves hanging out with my friends who - wait for it - are either not back here yet or live a gazillion miles away.
• I'm hungry all the damn time and there's no fast food within a short distance. At school, I can literally go downstairs and walk across the street to the student center. Here, I would have to get in my car and drive a minimum of ten minutes to get something to eat at 2:00am in the morning. Laziness, maybe... but geez. It definitely gives perspective. Also, I should probably eat less because it feels like all I do is eat.
• Internet is slow. It's not just slow, it's unreliable. I think I completely lost my connection three times earlier. It's not a huge deal but when you get accustomed to a rock-solid, super-fast university connection... it's a little irksome to have to stop what you're doing and wait the five minutes it takes your ridiculous radio-based Internet to sort itself out.

Anyways, that's enough ranting for now. I'm going to go to sleep because it's nearly 6:00am here and I'm trying to get on a more normal sleep schedule. I was going to visit my high school tomorrow (well, today) but that's definitely not going to happen now. By the time I wake up, it'll probably be close to school letting out anyhow. Hopefully someone out there finds this entertaining.

And yes, I realize I have a fantastic life. I don't need to be told. I just like to complain.

I'm a university student; aside from eating, sleeping, and working... it's what I do.

As J would say, "tootles."

- E.

Some days, feels like I need a little bit of this... and no, I don't even drink.

Winter Break

Winter Break starts up soon (I go home tomorrow) and I'm really not that excited to go back home.

Same as before, I just don't feel like there's that much there for me anymore. I'm going to miss all of my new friends! Our break is around six weeks and that's an awfully long time to put my new life on hold and sit around at home. Hopefully I can see a friend or two from high school. I don't keep up with many of those people anymore, but there are a handful I wouldn't mind sitting down for lunch or dinner with. I've got some plans brewing but nothing too much...

Awesome close-up of a snowflake.

I am particularly excited for a few things, though... I'll be picking up the cello over this break and I'm going to a swing event with J. Also will be seeing the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (J - you going or not?!). So I have a few things to look forward to. I suppose I look forward to Christmas, but only in the sense that I like the atmosphere for those few days.

All in all, I could use a break... I'm just not sure being home for those 40-odd days is exactly the break I want or need. But, in light of the season, to anyone reading this: Happy Holidays! I hope yours is fun, fancy, and fulfilling!

- E.

Finals: In the Rearview Mirror

We laugh to keep from crying...

Finals have been going on here at the university recently. I had my lost one today at 9:00am... so early! Not to mention that I got about an hour and a half of sleep and ended up showing up 40 minutes late to the final. Luckily my teacher is one of those guys who will just smile and shake his head. I finished the thing with plenty of time to spare, at any rate, and the class is a guaranteed decent grade. Would have been nice to dominate the test and get that A, but what can I say?

Anyways, I've made some observations about myself and about finals over the course of my three-day finals adventure:

• I am kind of lazy. Really. By the time I hit study day (Wednesday) I was budgeting study time 50/50 between actually studying and taking breaks in alternating one hour increments. In retrospect, that was an awful system and I should have started way earlier... because my studying was actually somewhat effective in two of my classes.
• Finals aren't that bad. They really aren't. I know it depends a lot on the course and instructor, but were I to sit down a good two weeks before finals and actually planned out legitimate study patterns... I probably would have shredded every one of my finals. So my goal for next semester is to do just that: shred every final.
• Swing dancing does NOT equal studying for a business exam. I went over to a nearby university last night for a Christmas ball... it was a fabulous time but it really didn't improve my knowledge of business at all. Needless to say, that final at 9:00am was a rough one but... well, y'know, when your grade can't go down due to the grading structure of the course...
• J is good at reading my business book to me at 3:30am. Such a trooper. I was falling asleep half the time...

In general, I feel okay about my finals. I really could have done better but for my first set of finals, I think I did pretty damn well. GPA concerns are starting to come up but as long as I do my job correctly (read: better) next semester, I think everything will be fine.

Let's hope so, anyways. P-O-S-I-T-I-V-I-T-Y! Positivity!

- E.

Home Lost

As a freshman university student, I've gone through the interesting process of losing that sense of "home" for my childhood home. I'm headed back to campus tomorrow morning and I've been ready to get back since I arrived home this past Tuesday.

It sounds awful but there's just nothing here for me anymore. My parents are here, and a few other assorted relatives... there are also a few friends from high school that I like to keep up with, but our schedules aren't easy to manage. There's also my high school teachers, many of whom I'm looking forward to speaking to whenever I get the chance. That's about it.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore. I lived in that house for eighteen years and some odd months; I had never lived anywhere else until college started. My parents bought the house and moved in a few years before I was born, so I never had that experience of "moving somewhere" until a few months ago.

It wasn't as painful as you might think, and I'm completely comfortable saying that my life is down at school. All of my new friends are down there (you too, J!), as are the clubs that I'm involved in... And it sounds strange but there are certain aspects of my courses that I enjoy, too.

I guess my point is that some of us have been ready to move on for a long time. This was what I needed and it's been good for me. It's a fresh start, sort of, but you're not forced to give up all of your past if you don't want to. It's not that I've forgotten my roots or that I'm a rotten human being who went through the first eighteen years and odd months without finding anyone or anything to care about. That's not the truth at all.

I think the truth is more... I've been searching for something my whole life and I've begun to discover it through the whole college experience. I'm not sure what exactly I've started to find but I know it's there. And I think in some sense, birds fly because they have wings... those of us with that fire inside search because we must.

Anyways, in light of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful to exist in a time and place where I can experience these things. I'm sure other eras had similar experiences for their youth, but I think we are in a wholly unique position. It's special.

Or should I say "speshul?" Nah, I'm not crazy yet.

Yet.

- E.