Home Lost

As a freshman university student, I've gone through the interesting process of losing that sense of "home" for my childhood home. I'm headed back to campus tomorrow morning and I've been ready to get back since I arrived home this past Tuesday.

It sounds awful but there's just nothing here for me anymore. My parents are here, and a few other assorted relatives... there are also a few friends from high school that I like to keep up with, but our schedules aren't easy to manage. There's also my high school teachers, many of whom I'm looking forward to speaking to whenever I get the chance. That's about it.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore. I lived in that house for eighteen years and some odd months; I had never lived anywhere else until college started. My parents bought the house and moved in a few years before I was born, so I never had that experience of "moving somewhere" until a few months ago.

It wasn't as painful as you might think, and I'm completely comfortable saying that my life is down at school. All of my new friends are down there (you too, J!), as are the clubs that I'm involved in... And it sounds strange but there are certain aspects of my courses that I enjoy, too.

I guess my point is that some of us have been ready to move on for a long time. This was what I needed and it's been good for me. It's a fresh start, sort of, but you're not forced to give up all of your past if you don't want to. It's not that I've forgotten my roots or that I'm a rotten human being who went through the first eighteen years and odd months without finding anyone or anything to care about. That's not the truth at all.

I think the truth is more... I've been searching for something my whole life and I've begun to discover it through the whole college experience. I'm not sure what exactly I've started to find but I know it's there. And I think in some sense, birds fly because they have wings... those of us with that fire inside search because we must.

Anyways, in light of Thanksgiving, I'm thankful to exist in a time and place where I can experience these things. I'm sure other eras had similar experiences for their youth, but I think we are in a wholly unique position. It's special.

Or should I say "speshul?" Nah, I'm not crazy yet.

Yet.

- E.